Ch-ch-ch-changeeeees. And soup!

I'm back, bitches!

I know - I was gone a month. Know what kind of blog no one bothers to read? One that bails for a month. 

But I've been BUSY. Ish. 

Things that I have been doing

• Yesterday I finished my 40 Days Challenge, which involved doing yoga 5 days a week. I accidentally found an oblique muscle the other day and nearly fainted with surprise.
• I can do a headstand now! Well, with the wall. Most of the time. 
• I decided to graduate to a big-girl apartment. Unfortunately, the washer/dryer and exposed brick and 16 foot ceilings and stainless range hood also come with an electric stove. BLEEEEGH. But, my pictures should look better starting in July.
• I have spent 90% of my free time pinning shit to my 'fancy furnishings' board on Pinterest for said new apartment. It's ridiculous. Ridiculous enough that a friend I haven't talked to in 3 months that lives 5 hours away emailed me and said, "Uh, so I'm assuming you're getting a new apartment?"
• A juice cleanse. Three days of just juicing and raw fruits and vegetables. Oh, and the 6 ounces of coffee and 2 crackers and tablespoon of peanut butter I had. Plus the slice of pizza and 8 ounces of beer I had on the last night. I suck at juice cleanses. 

Things that I have not been doing

• I haven't cooked shit. 

In the spirit of my total inability to focus on one thing, I've decided to change up the blog a bit. More posts, more often, with less length (maybe, I'm long-winded if you haven't noticed) and a wider variety of topics. I will still do a LOT of food stuff. I love food (see earlier juice cleanse evidence). But I also love dogs and design and cool shit. 

So in an effort to be less absent and shitty and boring, I'm mixing it up. I know - I thought, "won't people be upset? Aren't people looking for food when they come here?" And then I remembered no one reads this shit since I haven't posted in a month and that it's mine and I can do whatever I want anyway. Similar to how I bypassed my sprouted grain cereal with organic milk and bananas as breakfast for cold parmesan bread bites from Dominos that had been sitting out overnight. I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

But for now - how about a recipe? This one's been in the hopper a while and even though the warm weather is upon us, I think it bears sharing. 

Quinoa and Potato Soup with Spinach and Roasted Garlic

 You'll need: 

• 1 head garlic, roasted
• ½ white onion, diced
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 medium butter potatoes, diced small
• 2 cups vegetable stock
• 2 cups fresh spinach
• 2 cups cooked quinoa
• 1 tbsp Adobo seasoning
• 1/ tsp pepper

Start by roasting your garlic. Slice the tops off of the whole, unpeeled head. Lightly cover the exposed areas with olive oil, wrap it in foil, and pop it in a 400 degree oven for about 45 minutes. It should look caramelized when you take it out and be very soft. Set it aside to cool. 

I would recommend that you multitask and roast the garlic while you prep the rest of the ingredients, but I'll assume you're not an idiot and you already thought of that. 

Heat the tbsp of olive oil in a stock pot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add the onion and saute until just translucent, about 3-4 minutes. 

Add the vegetable stock in bring it to a simmer. As always if, you use broth and not stock you will end up with MUCH saltier soup. You may want to pull back on the adobo if you go the broth route. 

Add your roasted garlic by squeezing it out of the skin and into the pot. If the big chunks aren't your thing, you can press them with the back of a spoon to help them break down. 

Add the potatoes and simmer until almost cooked through, about 10-15 minutes depending on the size of your chunks. 

Stir in the fresh spinach (in batches, if needed) and let it wilt. Once wilted, add your quinoa, Adobo, and pepper. Adjust seasonings to taste. If you don't have Adobo seasoning - get some. It will be in the international or Hispanic section of your grocery store. And an alternative to that - it's pretty much salt, garlic powder, oregano, and a little tumeric. Play with those seasonings until you get something you like. 

Serves 4. 

Shut Up and Cook version here. 

Twenty-something awkward years and Yorkshire Pudding with Thyme-Infused Sweet Onion Gravy

I was always an odd kid. And teenager. And young adult. I'm still a little off. 

I remember when New Kids on the Block were big. I was in my friend Abby's mom's car on the way to her birthday party at a park. All the other girls were screeching about Joey and Danny and blah blah blah and I was thinking, "Who the heck are the New Kids on the Block?" I'm pretty sure I pretended to have an NKOTB sleeping bag because another girl did and that seemed to go over well. 

In reality I was sitting at home, wearing my Sally Jesse Raphael style glasses and my Alf t-shirts and listening to my beloved Tears for Fears CD. I remember asking for, and getting, an Annie Lennox cassette single in my Easter basket. "Walkin' on Broken Glass," in case that's what you were wondering. 

Now, I'm totally glad I was too oblivious to pick up on social cues and accidentally ended up liking actual cool shit instead. 

But back then, I just had no idea what it meant to be cool. I was smart, and quiet, and totally inept at sports and pop culture and cool things. I have very curly hair, which I brushed out every day. I played the clarinet. I have the eyesight of a mole, leading to my procurement of coke-bottle glasses at the age of 7. I participated in something called Winter Guard. My teeth were so crooked they looked like they had been tossed into my mouth at random, resulting in a few years of braces. I wasn't exactly Prom Queen. 

Let me demonstrate. 

"Rockin Alf," indeed. 

I also had some odd food preferences. Every year, my mom would make my brother and I whatever we wanted for our birthday dinners. Kids like kid things - chicken nuggets, tacos, macaroni and cheese. I, without fail, asked every year for roast beef and yorkshire pudding. 

So the other night, in honor of my many, many ugly ducking years, I decided to make some greasy, crispy, chewy Yorkshire pudding. And to go with it, a sweet onion gravy made from caramelized onions and infused with thyme. And it was DELIGHTFUL.

What was the big deal with NKOTB, anyway?

Yorkshire Pudding with Thyme-Infused Sweet Onion Gravy

Yorkshire Pudding recipe found here. I followed it pretty much - making the puddings in muffin tins with a pea-sized dot of Crisco in each one. I also used skim milk and egg substitute because it was what I had on hand. They were a little chewy, but still really good. 

For the gravy, you'll need:

• 1 medium white onion, slice into thin half-moons
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable stock
• 3 tbsp flour (gravy flour like Wondra is amazing)
• 6-10 sprigs of fresh thyme
• salt and pepper, to taste

The key to this gravy is the caramelized onions. It takes a while, but they add a depth of flavor similar to what you would get from meat fat. Heat a skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil and once hot, the onions. Stir occasionally until they are soft and brown. This could take up to 30 minutes. 

Once your onions are browned, stir in your flour to coat the onions. I prefer a gravy flour like Wondra since it never clumps and thickens right up. But regular flour will do you just fine. 

Add your vegetable stock and stir well. Then toss in your thyme springs - 10 will be pretty strong, so you may want to start with 6 and see how it goes. Bring the gravy to a soft simmer to thicken it and infuse the thyme. 

When it's thickened to your liking, season to taste with salt and pepper. If it doesn't thicken enough, add flour, a little at a time, until it's where you want it to be.

Take the thyme sprigs out - little leaves are okay, but you'll want to remove the actual stalks. 

I served this over Field Roast Apple & Sage grain sausages with my yorkshire puddings and a side of garlic brussels sprouts, and my inner 10-year old squealed with weirdo delight.

Serves 5. Alf-free version here. 

The crippling shame that accompanies frozen breakfast burritos.

I am not what one would refer to as domestic. I am in my 30's, I don't own a home, I can't knit, I don't have any kids (I have dogs I treat like kids, but that just makes me weird), and I don't shop from a list. 

Yeah, I know - I cook. Most people who say they're not very domestic can't cook for shit. But you see, while I cook all the time, I very rarely cook anything easy or practical. To me, cooking is supposed to be ridiculous. It's making dumplings from scratch at 9:30 on a Tuesday night or buying $40 worth of shit with the labels in Korean, not putting dinner on the table after work. I almost never do that. 

"But you probably do other things that are reasonably domestic," you say. I say probably not. 

Thursday night I had to attend an industry awards show with S. It's a somewhat fancy ordeal, with hairdos and cocktail dresses and things. I ran home from work and realized I had 1 hour to be ready. I put about 3/4 of a can of dry shampoo in my hair (which is the world's most amazing thing, if you haven't tried it), teased it until it could walk on its own, wrapped it into a 'messy bun' and then did my bangs in hopes that no one would notice I was wearing a coconut-scented tumbleweed on my head. 

You see, I was really counting on my dress to carry the brunt of my look. A few months back I bought two dresses for a formal wedding. The one I hadn't worn was sitting in my closet, tags still on. It's a pretty, dark green, sateen dress from French Connection with one shoulder and a bow and pleats and pockets and all sorts of delightful shit. 

Unfortunately, it was pretty wrinkled from being jammed in my closet for 4 months. Now - I have a steam cleaner, which works wonderfully to get the wrinkles out of nice fabrics. But, a) I had 15 minutes and b) I am a lazy asshole. Mostly B. So I decided to just use the steam setting on the $8 iron from Walmart that I keep jammed in the back of a cupboard, which I only own because I think adults are supposed to have irons.

I filled the water and turned it to the highest steam setting (FYI - this is also the highest heat setting. In case you're as dumb as I am). I got about half of the way across the skirt succesfully. Then that stupid piece of shit iron decided to stop steaming for just a moment, instantly melting a big, v-shaped spot in the crotch of my dress. 

COOOOOOOL. 

You'll be relieved to know that I didn't wear the dress.  Instead I wore a shirt I got for free, a $7 skirt from JC Penney, and some Naturalizers. It was better than it sounds. I think. 

Anyway - I'm not good at June Cleaver shit. And I'm not sad about it; I like to think of my skill set as urban and sophisticated. 

Yet, I did something terrible the other day. Not at all urban or sophisticated. In my quest to eat something reasonably healthy and quick for breakfast on weekdays... I made a set of freezer meals. 

You might not think there's anything wrong with freezer meals. But I have this image of the person who makes freezer meals in my head - they have a bob and wear button-downs and khakis and drive a mini-van and don't find those bracelets from Pandora to be a crime against humanity.

I am not a freezer-meal person.

I do yoga and have beachy hair and know what jicama is.

I AM NOT A FREEZER MEAL PERSON.

But then, it turned out that freezer breakfast burritos are f-ing awesome. And I just couldn't keep something like that from you. Pride be damned. 

I give you Make-Ahead Freezer Breakfast Burritos.

Heavily adapted from Bits of Everything.

These bad boys pack some legit stats: 262 calories, 4 g of fat, 7 g of fiber, only 10 mg of cholesterol, and 16 g of protein. THAT is BREAKFAST, bitches. 

You'll need:

• 8 large flour tortillas (I used La Banderita large soft taco tortillas)
• 1 red bell pepper, diced
• 1/2 a white onion, diced
• cooking spray
• 1 tube (14 oz) Gimme Lean sausage
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/8 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 cup shredded queso blanco (drop or sub the cheese to make me vegan!)
• 2 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes

These are pretty easy, especially compared to my usual ridiculousness. You'll need one big skillet, some paper towels, and some freezer bags. 

Cut the tube of sausage into discs. It's MUCH easier to do this with the wrapper on. Just use a serrated knife to get through the plastic packaging. Remember to remove the plastic before you cook it (or don't, I don't care really).

Heat the skillet over medium heat and give it a generous spray of cooking spray. Cook the sausage discs until browned, then flip and cook the other side. Set them on paper towels to cool. 

Using the same skillet, add more cooking spray and saute the onions and peppers until translucent. Season with salt, pepper, smoked paprka, and crushed red pepper.  These bastards are SPICY. You may want to take it down a bit if you're not into spice. Add the hash brown potatoes, stir well, and cook until the potatoes are done, about 5 minutes. 

 
Dice the cooled sausage into little pieces. Add it to the pepper/potato mix and transfer the whole thing to your assembly area. 

Scoop 3-4 large spoonfuls of filling into each tortilla. Top with some cheese and roll 'er up. If you're unfamiliar with how to fold a burrito so that it doesn't bust open and go everywhere, here's the idea:

Put your filling in a line toward one edge of the tortilla.

Fold the sides in, and then the back edge closest to the filling.

Wrap that edge all the way over the filling and tuck it underneath.

Fold the sides in again and continue rolling until you're finished. 

Fold a paper towl in half and wrap the burrito in it. Place the burritos in freezer bags and you're in business. When you're ready to eat them, just heat for a minute in the microwave, flip it and go for another 30 seconds on the other side, and jam it in your face.  

Perfectly domesticated recipe here.

The interwebs saved me from becoming a cat lady and ddukbokki (spicy Korean rice cakes).

I am, by nature, a very nervous person. I am particularly afraid of heights and ghosts. I have never done a cartwheel. I worry about things that will never happen (clearly, since I just admitted that I'm afraid of ghosts) and scare myself out of trying new things. 

The weird part is that I also really, really like the idea of new things. I particularly love to travel. And I hate to look like a tourist or do touristy things, thereby sending myself even deeper into this spiral of panic and excitement. You will never find me checking a map in public, on a cruise ship (Alaska excepted), or at a Sandals. I prefer to rent a cottage or an apartment and struggle to order vegetarian meals in my pathetic, broken version of the native language while everyone else sips pina coladas by a clean pool and eats chicken french from a buffet pan.

This juxtaposition has manifested itself in my adult life as a freakish need to know as much as possible about things before I try them. I research customs and culture relentlessly before I go. I look up every neighborhood in the city and decide what ones I want to visit, where I'll go, and how I'll get there. I memorize the maps. I've learned to look at the map of the airport I'm headed to (the one in the back of the airline magazine) and plot the exact route from my gate to where I'll need to go. 

If I were to have lived in an age without the internet, I might have never left my house. I would have stayed home with my cat, reading Jane Austen and waiting for the mailman to fall in love with me and whisk me away. 

Anyway.

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The Superbowl is ruining Pinterest and Tuscan White Bean Dip.

According to Pinterest, the Superbowl is coming up.

Yeah, I said "according to Pinterest." I don't have a TV and I wouldn't watch football if I did (I prefer a steady diet of ABC Family movies, thankyouverymuch). Football provides no value to me. But Pinterest? That shit is amazing. I've curated quite a food board, which you can stalk here if you so desire. 

Anyway - Pinterest has been just lousy with appetizer and party food recipes as of late, accompanied by titles using the word "Superbowl" combined with any number of atrocious descriptors like "yummy," "snackies," and/or "cute." Poor S used the word "cutie" once when we were first dating. I told him that nicknames that end in "ie" make me nauseous and that was the end of that.

A quick Google search turned up that the Giants will be playing the Patriots (the Patriots? Really? That's almost as bad as being named the Jazz) this Sunday. And while I despise the Superbowl - ads included, thanks to that Honda blasphemy with Matthew Broderick and every light beer ad - I love any occasion in which people eat snacks and drink.

So, in the spirit of booze and shoving your face, I will provide a Superbowl-friendly recipe (as long as your Superbowl party is full of vegans and hippies). 

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Black Bean Tacos with Cabbage-Carrot Slaw

I am sometimes baffled by my own ridiculousness. For a number of reasons. Many, many reasons. 

When I cook, I try to make recipes that are tasty without much fat. For example, tonight I was pretty impressed with myself for making tacos that were really, really good without any cheese, only a tablespoon of oil, and reduced fat sour cream.

And then, I made the stunning decision to eat 1/3 of a tub of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream because I couldn't think of what to write for this post.  

Really?

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